college

So, International Relation it is.

Not that I'm not happy - dude, only 35 students are accepted this year, and i'm one of them. So there, that's something to be proud of.

Wee i'm kind of glad that I already am accepted, so i dont have to study anymore (I've paid 850k for USM ITB and 800k for the class tho).

But I cant be as happy as everybody else.

Here is the thing: the university i'm going to is one of the best university in the country. They have musical organizations, english debate society, basically everything I'd ever need from a university.

BUT STILL.

So I have these friends, no, this all people in this particular INSTITUTION, which I really fond of. Wait, NO. How do I put this? I LOVE this institution and the people in it. I'm DYING to be one of them. I've spent so much time with them; practicing debate, hanging out, karaokeing, A LOT of other things. I love the buildings, the tress, the ground, the sky; and I remember what has happened in every different place.

Problems:
1. This particular organization with all these people in it, doesn't belong in the university I'm going to
2. The university which this organization belong to doesn't have the faculty that can accomodate my interest

And this thing DOES bother me. A LOT.

And there is this girl. She's my bestest buddy AND teammate I've ever had. Like, she understands what I mean just by looking to my eyes (okay now I sound like a lesbian). The thing is, she knows me so well, and I promised her I'd go to the same college as she does. She waited for me, and apparently I lied to her.

Yes, I'm such a mess.
Or better: a traitor.

I don't freaking know what to do. And I'm TOTALLy scared; will it be enough to just tell them "I'm sorry"? Will they kick me out of the practices? Does this mean I'm not allowed to attend their karaoke session?

Yea I know nobody will believe me if I say I WANT to be with them. Cause I can't. I got life to do. And the thought that I'll someday stand up as their, especially HER opponent makes me shiver. I DON'T want to do this. But I have no choice. And nobody understands.

Is it really THIS hard just to leave highschool and go to college? Like, I'm dying.

At this point, of course I'd be the only one crying.