When a Spoiled Baby Whimpers

She stared blankly at the music.

The violin sat on her lap, glaring at its owner, wondering why she stopped playing all so sudden.

It's been 30 minutes. 

30 minutes of nothing. 30 minutes of silence. 30 minutes of recalling.

She knows this will eventually happen, and she's prepared for it. At least that's what she thought. The realization, however, is not as simple as the theory. 

I'm going back to where I belong, she thought, shouldn't I be more excited?

She sighed. Realizing that she's been wasting time, she lifted her violin, and started playing. This time she's being super careful not to play Beethoven Piano Concerto No. 3 or Rhosymedre.

But she knew it was too late.

She knew she couldn't do anything about it. All the memories were coming back to her, squeezing her brain, banging her feeling, and tearing herself apart.

She's not ready yet.

Not ready to leave all of the euphoria she's already get used to. It's not that she did not grateful for her life back home. It's just different. When she went, she knew that she'll come back somehow, so despite all of her sadness and sorrow to leave her beloved family, she encouraged herself to go, and so did she, to experience a complete new world for her.

But this time, she doesn't know if she'll have the opportunity to come back. She doesn't know if she can see these people that she love again. She doesn't know if they will even remember her.

Spoiled little baby.

Probably she is one. Over-pampered kid who demands for everything, even the absurd ones. She wants her life back, yet she whines to stay longer. People have been telling her to be more mature, but she just can't help.

She gave up and put her instrument away. She looked at her violin, and smiled; at least she tried to. She remembered perfectly every single things that happened in orchestra ever since she came. Every song, every rehearsal, every concert, every small things that made her laugh. She smiled still until it came to realization that she's not gonna be here next year.

Stop it, she told herself, You're just hurting yourself even more.

Even her brain didn't work as she wished. 

The flashback on her head kept going. Music, band, marching field, drumline, marimba, symphonic band, her first pre-game, her part on Star Spangled Banner, the freezing weather on band competitions, her first friends in the pit, her moments on parades; everything that colored her days.

She remembered the feeling of being an outsider on her frst day in the band camp. She knew how hard she struggled when she first touched and played her xylophone. She realized how everyone has really support her that she's now an actual part of the percussion section. She's aware how she's different, yet people are still willing to stay by her and help her.

She closed her eyes and turned her face away, now directly looking at a stack of paper, with the unfinished part of Violin II on the top. She stayed still. 

Is it really wrong for me to remember though? She hesitated for a while, although she knew she already had the answer.

Today was her last day of school.

It actually made her scared how time goes so fast, how her time will come and she has to go no matter what. It amazed her how things change; how the first months of her stay felt like hell, how back then she really wanted to just go home. And now, she honestly doesn't wanna leave yet, although she misses her natural famlily so much.

Humans are creatures that never satisfied.

It's not she's blaming herself that she came. She's glad that she stayed and learned instead of being a coward and close herself to people. She's now open to new things, and she believes she knows what's best for her.

It just hurts to leave.

She used to get everything that she wants, however this time she knows no matter how loud she cries and screams, she gets to leave. She really is selfish, but this time, she'll give it a try.

There is no need to be gloomy, she tried to ensure herself. She has 35 days left, and she'll make sure they're memorable. She knows that now she has her second home that she'll always able to go back to.

She let a tear drops; but just one. No more.

*I'm SUPER sad that school is over but really, i'm not that pathetic. lol. At least I'm trying not to :p

Memorial Day Weekend

Hmm lalala blablabla doremifasolatidooo (obnoxious).

So, I've been frustrated since last Friday because ALL SENIORS ARE GOOONE!! They're so freaking done with school. Menwhile I, Egalita Irfan, an exchange student from Indonesia, am a junior which means I still have to go to school for another week and THEN I still need to do semester exams. It's not that I dislike school; it just SUCKS to be alone in my Calculus, Music theory and AP US gov class; and we have half of people in my Systems of the Earth class missing. Yea, i'd blame my conselour for putting me in senior classes *sigh*. but uh well. I love all of my classes. I ended up sitting and drinking coffee in Mr. gray's office 3rd-4th period and I have band in 5th period; which means 3 PERIODS IN E POD. yayayaa.

So.

Sunday May 24th, we had Asian Festival in downtown Columbus. Mukee and I volunteer there. It was really fun, despite the super-hot weather was killing me. I met some people I knew from school, and a bunch of Indonesians! I was really excited to practice my bahasa. lol. I ate Indonesian food for lunch (obviously)! Hailey she was there for Taiko performance but i didnt meet here, and Sravanti, Qisti and a bunch of other people I know went on Saturday.

Some people really freak me out. This Pakistani guy in the festival just randomly said "are you an indonesian?". HA. that was NOT the first time. In Disney World somebody asked me the exact same question. This time, I asked how did he know, and he said that I LOOK like an Indonesian and my hijab is totally an Indonesian hijab (haha iya gitu? gatau gw :p). umm well... That was kinda creepy but he's really nice.

On Monday, May 25th, we have this parade for Memorial Day. Apparently I'm on Scioto Marching band, so I got to march with my dear drumline section AND my lovely HEAVY cymbals. Yayaa, lets say it was an exercise to lose weight AND make some muscles in my arms. lol.

First, we march to the Jerome Cemetery. We played the Armed Force Salute song (Jack & I basically made up the part for cymbal section because the music we got didn't make sense :p). Then we stand there, listened to those people from military talking about the soldiers who passed away on their service. Some people from trumpet section played the Taps after the army guys shoot the gun to the sky (halah). 

So, here is the story about Taps.

(Ini cerita dari Mr gray during 3rd-4th period today.)

Dulu zamannya Civil war, perang tu antara orang2 amerika sendiri. Pas perangnya udah mau selesai, terutama saat many people from both sides injured, cara mereka ngumumin soal "the End of the day" a.k.a. "get the hell out of here and take care of your injured armies" (lol, excuse my language) tu make Taps. taps selalu dimainin make trumpet. Sekali lagi, tune itu mengindikasikan the end of the day, makanya pas gw baru2 dateng ke amerika, during band camp, tiap jam 11 malem pasti ada yang mainin Taps, yang artinya hari ini udah selesai. Oia Mr Gray juga bilang Taps bermakna the end of the day buat orang2 yang gugur, which means mereka udah "selesai" harinya a.k.a. mati.

Kita juga main taps & had ceremony thingy on a bridge. Those army people shoot the gun above the river, buat menghormati marines yang mati di laut dan jenazahnya ga pernah ditemuin. Terakhir, kita main di Dublin Cemetary. beberapa anak trumpet section kali ini main specially di depan kuburan orang2 yang dulunya pernah main di Scioto Marching band.

I like how these Americans appreciate these people in army who passed away on their services to defend their country, although I don't think sending troops to Iraq is a smart decision. We eventually talked about this in my debate class, and I see most of Americans; unless they're super conservative like someone I know; think the same way i do. Wars are stupid; it kills people and I hate whoever triggers it. Here is the thing : those people went to war not because they want to; they went there because they HAVE to. To make it simple, I'd blame the freaky government, who's being a butthead and didn't put some more effort to find another way to solve the problem rather than war. We are human; we have the ability to talk and do diplomacy. We're not animals who can only follow their instinct to maintain their life. We're human, God bless us with superiority and knowledge but some humans in particular are stupid still. We need to change.

That's why the world needs me.

Haha seriously ;)

PRISM Concert

Dublin Scioto High School Orchestra

PRISM Concert, a.k.a. my last concert in the US.

OMG I'M SOOOOOOOOO FREAKIN SAAAAAAAAAAAD!!

Anyway.

Gw maen buat orchestra, symphonic band, sama percussion ensemble.

Main Rhosymedre buat orchestra, Polka buat symphonic band, sama Sabre dance buat Percussion ensemble.

Jadi kalo concert biasa kan cuman 1 per 1 grup mucul di panggung, standar lah. Kalo yang ini, the last concert of the year, jadi tiap grup tampil semua, berturut2 in different places, nyambung2 gitu. Audiences were not allowed to give applause until the end of the concert. Ini urutannya:

1.  Jazz Band

2. "You Raise Me Up" Trio

3. Dublin Scioto Orchestra "Rhosymedre" (YAAAAAY!)

4. Taiko "Ikari"

5. Bassoon Duet (Jamie & Rachel)

6. D'Eramo solo "Deh Vieni Non Tardar"

7. Irish Fiddle Fetish "The Devil Went Down to Georgia"

8. Mukee Thai Flute Solo

9. Symphonic Band "Polka" (YAAAAAAY!!)

10. IFF "Drowsie Maggie" fill

11. Tsai String Quartet (for God sake,, JOJO made this song for Music Theory. Bedanya, lagu bikinan gw belum jadi!! lol.)

12. Men's chorus "Brothers Sing On"

13. Jonathon Sun (a.k.a. CA) piano solo

14. Concert band "The Incredibles" (okay i didnt play in this band but their song was FREAKIN amazing! dang.)

15. Women's Chorus "We Rise Again"

16. Yu Solo "Porcelain Heart"

17. Percussion Ensemble "Saber dance" (YAAAAAY!!)

Haha.

Jadi, pas pembukaan gitu, si Mr Gray ngasih "awards" kind of thing ke seniors yang mau graduate taun ini. TAPI ternyata gw juga dipanggil.

"We have 2 exchange students this year. Egalita Irfan, please come to the stage. She's from Indonesia. She came in the middle of the band camp. She plays multiple instruments; she played pit in marching band, percussion section in symphonic band, violin in orchestra. She's a part of percussion ensemble and chamber percussion, and she writes music in Music Theory. She plays piano and guitar as well. She's giong back home in 2 months. Egalita, thanks for everything you've done and shared with us, and we'll definitely miss you."

That's what Mr Gray said.

HUAAAAAA mau nangis gw.

Gw dikasih keychain yang menandakan kalo gw udah "graduate" dari Dublin Scioto Music Department although I'm a junior. Well, I'm SPECIAL ya know ;)

Umm. terus concertnya mulai dengan urutan di atas ;)

Pas udahannya, kita fofotoan kaya gila. Here are some.

Hailey, Allison, Emma, Scott, Mukee, Egalita, Mr. Gray, Taylor, Lindsay :)

Kayla Walker (trumpet), Egalita Irfan, Jamie Polzin (bassoon, conductor, guitar)

Jolyn Tsai (Jojo -- viola, piano), Egalita

Katherine Barndhart (percussion), Hailey Sult (percussion, piano, Allison Kennedy (violin), Egalita Irfan

Sravanti Tekumalla (oboe, piano), Egalita Irfan

Melissa Weber (trumpet), Egalita Irfan

Mr. Lewis (percussion instructor), Melissa, Egalita

Me & Mr. Gray (I was standing on something just so I dont look so short standing next to him. lol.)

That concert was the best concert EVER.

I had so much fun! It was awesome! I'm gonna miss them all; E pod, the music sections at school, Mr Gray, Mr Lewis, Mr Chesser, Orchestra, marching band, symphonic band, percussion ensemble, music theory.

Dude, i'm gonna cry.

crap crap crap

I don't wanna go home... yet.

I DON'T WANNA GO HOOOOME!!

I need to stay longer!!!

Beethoven Piano Concerto No.3 and Music Theory

Beethoven Piano Concerto No 3 in C minor.

This song had stuck on my head since last week.

We had orchestra concert like 2 weeks ago or so and we DID play this song with Miss Jolyn Tsai a.k.a. Jojo a.k.a. FREAK as the pianist. She was AWESOME. yayayaa thats ONE reason for me to call her a freak, not to mention her amazing ability to play viola (she's the 1st chair of viola section. seriously.) and composing song.

And so.

I understand this post is not even worth to read but that Beethoven Piano Concerto stuck on my head along with Rachmaninoff Piano Concerto No.2 and they mess me up! I'm supposed to work on my own song for Music Theory final project but everytim I try to do the harmonization (believe it or not; I have my melody already) those concertos will appear and blind my ears and brain (lah?). This is not really a valid excuse because apparently Mr Gray doesnt care about whatever happen and going along in my brain; all he wants is the sketch of my entire music. Anyway, I'm writing a music for 2 violins, viola, cello, and clarinet. Let's call it Clarinet Quintet No.1 in C minor by Egalita Irfan for now. lol.

So.

Screw Beethoven.

And Rachmaninoff.

But for real, those piano concertos are AMAZING. I LOVE them.

Hahaha lalala...

I should prolly go back and work on my harmonization. Yayaa.. Chord progression, voice leading, modulation. OMG I HAVEN'T FIGURE OUT THE MODULATION YET!!! It's gonna be to G minor but I can't find a good way to put them together! And it was 4/4 before but I need to change it to 6/8 and it's gonna be harmonic minor (I actually put some melodic minors too). And during the cello part I dont even know what are the damn chords gonna be! Need to talk to Mr Gray tomorrow. And I want to put a chromatic scale but it'll be really hard to harmonize and it apparently won't follow the circle progression. oh AND the amount of my measure isn't enough yet!!!!! And how about that exposed tritone in the middle of the melody???? crap crap crap.

.....

uhm.

anyway.

I've got 2 violinists who are gonna play the Clarinet Quintet No. 1 in C minor by ME during exam week, and they are the concert master (Yang) and 2nd chair of violin section (Rahim) of our orchestra. I got (actually forced) Jojo to play the viola part, and I got Katasha to play clarinet. I NEED A CELLIST, for God sake! Nikita won't play for me, obviously, and I need to find a cellist with no exam during 3rd period! I should prolly look for a senior.

Or I should play the cello part.

NOT.

I have no intention to destroy my own song, especially when the rest of quintet are those brilliant musicians.

I feel so free to write whatever kind of insane pitches because I know these people are amazing and I know they'll able to play whatever I write down for them no matter how weird it's gonna be. So frankly now I'm  making a riddiculous music. HA. But then IF I play the cello, I believe it's not gonna be... umm... too "desirable"?

 

GO BACK TO THE FREAKIN WORK.

lalala.

*a frustrated Music Theory student who got stuck in harmonizing the melody; 10 o'clock at night*

Orchestra Rehearsal

Well well.

Mr Gray (our orchestra conductor) had been "disturbed" a little bit (yayayaa) and he decided to move our seats randomly during rehearsal JUST FOR FUN. He said so the we can actually listen to other people's part and stuffs. Whatever.

I used to play 2nd Violin part (obviously). But then I ended up sitting next to Yang Liu, the CONCERT MASTER the orchestra.

Hahahaa. Funny.

NOT.

It wasn't over.

We eventually have to sightread a new song. 

Once again, SIGHT READ.

FYI, I SUCK so bad at sight reading! Especially on violin. Honestly I can do better on marimba or xylophone but uh well.

AND I had to play 1st violin part too.

My Gray ignored my argument on not-wanting-to-play-1st-violin-part; Nikita, sophomore 1st chair cello gave me his daily "Shut up Egalita" and move his freakin stand so he can't see me (thank YOU so much), and Jojo, 1st chair viola just laughed as always. In other word, I had no choice but to sightread the damn song.

Next to the best violinist at school, of course.

Now.

I was actually better than I thought.

The whole point is, I always get lost in the middle of the song everytime I have to sightread a new song. This time, Yang was right next to me, and he (of course) played everything perfecty as written, so everytime I get lost, I can always catch up just by listening to him.

Neat isn't it?

I can actually sightread. That fact made me a little suprised.

It was last Friday. 

Honestly, despite the fact about Nikita's face who liked to stare at me AND my fingers (prolly observing how bad I played compared to Yang), I like sitting on that seat. I could play 1st violin part pretty well. And I told it to My Gray; how I can sightread my part.

He laughed and told me THAT was the goal of moving people's seat.

On Monday, Mr Gray made us sit randomly again, so I sat next to Yang AGAIN. This time, we sightread Dvorak's Symphony (I don't remember the number). BUT the 1st violin part was harder. WAY harder compared to the previous piece.

I knew where we were when we played. I know the exact measure and beat of the music. But this time, I couldn't play.

I just couldn't.

Okay, I could play like the first half of the song. And then there was a 3rd position part; I could definitely do it. Then there was 4th position, and then 5th.

Screw my life.

That was really beyond my ability, No kidding.

I couldn't catch up with Yang and other 1st violins. I was so mad at myself. Mad at my right side brain. Mad at my finger. Mad at my inability.

So, at the end of the rehearsal, I decided that I have to do something about my sightreading-retarded-ness.

I talked to Mr Gray, asking him if I can borrow any book for sightreading practice (because apparently I don't bring any music book from Indonesia). He lend me the Suzuki Violin Book grade 6 (if i'm not mistaken). He was wondering why all so sudden I wanted to borrow a book. And I told him how I feel so stupid with my horrible violin sound, playing next to the concert master.

"Stop it, Egalita. That's not the reason why I move people around. That's not what I want to see  from you after you played next to Yang. I don't want you to say you are stupid or something like that."

"Well too bad then Mr Gray. It's too late. I feel inferior already. Just give me the freakin book and I'll practice." (I did seriously say this :p)

"I'll give you the book. You can go practice, but no inferiority."

(this reminds me of something. "Inferiority syndrome". lol.)

Anyway. 

I almost skipped percussion ensemble practice after school because I really want to practice the damn book so then I dont sound as horrible on violin. But I did come after all. When I got back home, I practiced violin immediately, several hours until dinner time.

I was like possessed.

Here is the thing: I like violin.

A lot.

I hate to realize that I suck at it, especially when I play next to someone who is really good.

So, practice.

Practice.

PRACTICE.

I was being really stupid that I almost skip the school on the next day just so I can stay at home and practice violin for the entire day, but I didn't. I went to school today.

And Mr Gray move our seat again.

But Yang wasn't there. So Rahim sat as the concert master. 

Yayayaa. Rahim is awesome at violin too. But he's just funny, as in crazy. lol. Any today's song was really EASY, even the 1st violin part. So, I was totally fine. Especially after hours of sightreading practice yesterday.

I was going to take my violin home for today too, but then I have AP Calculus Test tomorrow! So I figured I won't have enough time to practice.

Well, long way to go!

You need to actually appreciate music and love your instrument to produce a meaningful sound.

-egalita irfan

Irish Eye

This is rather late but last week I was in the Irish Eye, my school's magazine :p

1 full page! Haha (ga jelas).